When Helping Goes Too Far - A Trap Every Coach Needs to Notice

Something happened recently that knocked me slightly off balance. Not dramatically. Not catastrophically. Just enough to make my nervous system tilt. I received a message that landed at the wrong angle on the wrong day. In the grand scheme of life, it was minor. But emotionally, it unsettled me. And in that moment, I did what most humans do when something feels a bit much - I shared it with a friend. Not to escalate it. Not to dissect it. Just to say, “That felt uncomfortable.” What I wanted was simple. Someone to say, “Bloody hell. Are you okay?” When Help Arrives Too Fast Instead, she went straight into fix-it mode. “Did you set a boundary?” “Maybe they think you’re closer than you are.” “You could handle it like this next time.” She was solving a problem I hadn’t brought her. And as she continued, she dropped a line that stopped me in my tracks. “I’ve thought about becoming a therapist. People always come to me with problems.” That was the moment the penny dropped. I hadn’t brought her a problem. I had brought her a moment of vulnerability. I did not need tools. I did not need perspective. I did not need reframing. I needed something held, not handled. This is the subtle trap so many helpers fall into - especially those of us drawn to coaching, therapy, and emotional work. We mistake expression for invitation. We hear emotion and assume action is required. Sometimes, it isn’t. Sometimes, presence is the intervention. The Hidden Cost of the Helper Identity There is a real risk in over-identifying as “the one who helps.” When helping becomes part of your identity, silence feels irresponsible. Fixing feels virtuous. And sitting with discomfort can feel like you are failing at your role. So we rush in. We solve pain that has not been named as a problem. We offer tools before trust has landed. We bulldoze over emotional moments because our reflex is to be useful. And here is the uncomfortable truth for those of us in this space. That reflex is not always about the other person. Sometimes it is about soothing our own discomfort in the presence of theirs. This matters deeply if you are building or considering a coaching franchise. Because the quality of your presence will define the depth of your work more than the brilliance of your tools. Clients do not always need you to lead. Sometimes they need you to stay. And if we do not learn to pause our helper instincts, we risk turning connection into correction. Wisdom does not always need to speak. Sometimes it needs to listen. What Holding Space Actually Looks Like Holding space is not passive. It is not disengaged. It is not “doing nothing.” It is an active decision to prioritise safety over solutions. It sounds like: “That makes sense.” “I can see why that landed hard.” “I’m here with you.” And then - crucially - waiting. One of the most powerful questions you can ask, both in life and in your work, is this: “Do you want comfort or solutions right now?” That single sentence changes everything. It restores agency. It respects autonomy. It stops you assuming. Inside the People Building coaching franchise, this distinction is foundational. We do not teach helpers to fix faster. We teach them to listen deeper. Because when someone feels genuinely heard, solutions often emerge organically. And when they don’t, being witnessed is still transformative. If you notice yourself slipping into helper-mode before someone has asked for help, pause. Breathe. Let the moment breathe too. Presence is not passive. It is powerful restraint. Why This Matters for Your Business and Your Life This insight is not just about being a better friend or practitioner. It is about sustainability. Helpers who cannot sit with discomfort burn out. They carry responsibility that was never theirs to hold. They confuse worth with usefulness. The People Building coaching franchise exists to do this work differently. To train emotionally intelligent leaders who understand that regulation, attunement, and timing matter as much as technique. If you want to build a coaching franchise that lasts, your nervous system has to lead before your knowledge does. And if you are already on this path, consider this your reminder: You do not have to fix every feeling. You do not have to lead every moment. You do not have to prove your value by solving. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer is your full, grounded presence. And that - quietly, steadily - changes everything. by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai) https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise