There is so much that horses can teach us about life. Horses have been described as “authenticity meters” and in my experience this is so true. They see beyond the mask that we put on and through to the real core of the person. They know when someone is frightened or in need of support, and when someone is overly aggressive. Horses allow, and expect us, to be who we truly are. They will not tolerate the mask that humans so often feel forced to put on in order to protect themselves. I am reminded of an experience with a young lad, we shall call him Tom. Tom had been excluded from school for his aggressive behaviour. The teachers described him as being out of control and he bullied the other children. It took only a few sessions with a horse for Tom to realise that in order to connect with a horse he needed to let go of this mask. He needed to expose the young, frightened lad beneath and know that everything would be alright. Tom learnt it was ok to show his emotions and soon realised that acting tough had not been serving him well.
Horses act as mirrors reflecting back to us what we otherwise choose not to see. We all understand that we have different perspectives on the world and see the same thing in different ways, yet ironically we can only see what we already have in our frame of reference. If we experience the horse as angry and aggressive, it is likely that there are similar emotions that we have running through our lives. Horses allow us the opportunity to experience firsthand what is happening to us and by providing immediate feedback they allow us to change our actions to get a different result. How often does that happen in life? And importantly horses are non-judgemental. They just respond to the energy and intent shown to them. For children, I have found that often when faced with a horse the child’s whole persona can change as the real child that has been hiding behind that conditioned mask emerges. This can be a joyous experience for both children and parents. AHA! Moments occur and the children, and parents, get some real insights into what is happening for them.
So why is Horse Assisted Coaching so powerful? Well the answer lies in the fact that many traditional programmes focus on a verbal, classroom (neo-cortex) approach. Whilst this clearly has a role in society I have found that Horse Assisted Coaching sessions achieve a deeper, more sustainable and faster impact on creating change. This is achieved by doing, what is known as limbic learning, therefore there is no integration required. Examples of limbic learning are riding a bike, learning to walk etc. Once we have learnt to do these we do not forget.
Typically no riding is involved in a Horse Assisted Coaching session. Generally, all the work is done on the ground with the participants leading the horses through a series of exercises that help give them insight into such diverse topics as:
The importance of being a great leader. If you can’t lead a horse and get him to follow you, how can you expect a team to follow you? Importantly, how can you lead others if you can’t lead yourself
How body language and voice tonality help you influence others. With no words participants need to influence the horse to move using their own resources and what state you are in definitely influences the outcome.
Value of teamwork. In this ever-connected society there is a real need for being plugged into the system in order to succeed. Alliances and partnerships will become more commonplace so participants learn how to contribute to a team and work towards a common goal.
The importance of focus and intent because if you are not clearly focused and know what you are doing then horse will not follow you.
Sessions can be run in a group format or one on one depending on the client’s requirements. Horses can also be used to develop family constellations and these in the past have been shown to be very powerful.
So if you are looking for a fun, innovative way to have a break through with your clients then please do not hesitate to contact us. Julia@connect2success.co.uk or Jackie@stride2success.co.uk
Helping Shy Children Become More Outgoing
Shyness is a challenge for many young children, luckily it tends to get better with age, however here are a few ideas as to how you can start to improve your child’s confidence now.
Labeling your child as “shy” could be giving them a title to live up to. If you give your child a different label such as “confident” they may feel that they can’t act “shy” anymore as it’s not who they are. Also by re-labeling your child in a more positive light may help you start to notice them being confident more often as that’s what you are looking for.
If your child is uncomfortable going up to new children and introducing themselves, encourage them to play along side other children instead. More often than not, children will automatically start to play with each other if they are near each other. This will make your child feel more at ease with new children as they don’t have to strike up a conversation, it develops naturally.
This can work for older children too. If they are afraid to make conversation with new people, a great way to integrate themselves is to be near the new person, mirroring their actions and behaviour.
Sometimes you may feel it is difficult to encourage your child to get out of their comfort zone. This could be down to a simple case of mismatching in either physiology, tone of voice or the type of language you are using.
When speaking with your child, be at the same height as them, this is a lot less intimidating and they will feel more comfortable speaking with you if they feel you are on the same level.
By matching or mirroring your child’s physiology, you can take them from an unhappy state to a happy state very quickly. It won’t work if they are in a state of hiding and you try to help them overcome that by being outgoing. The two states are too far apart.
Try to match your child on 3 things and then lead them into a more positive state by changing your physiology for example if your child is sitting in a slouched position and is speaking in a quiet, low pitched voice and is using very visual language such as “I see,” match them by sitting in the same way, speaking like they are as well as using the same language.
Once you feel or notice that you have rapport sit in a more upright position, if your child matches you, speak in a more happy and upbeat tone. By doing this you will feel connected with your child and will be able to take them from a reserved state to a more outgoing one quickly and easily.
Therapist for Children's Behaviour Problems
Is your child driving you crazy? Many children face mental health disorders that are a major reason for lack of confidence, anxiety and depression in them. This interfere with their social, emotional and cognitive growth and development. If proper treatment is not provided to children facing behaviour problems, it is not only the child, but also the family who will suffer in the long run.
What is a normal condition in children?
Kids are the most amazing creatures in the world. They act differently at times when they do something unusual. Sometimes these behaviors are temporary and sometimes permanent. If something unusual persists in your child, make sure to see the child therapist for behavior issues as soon as possible. The ideal child therapist for behavioural problems in children must be a specialist in dealing with children with behaviour problems. A good child therapist for behavioral issues, is one who understands your child mind and helps them to cope up with the behavioural difficulties they are facing.
Warning signs that says your child needs a therapist:
• Anxiety, lack of confidence or feeling of worry
• Poor concentration or lack of attention on things around him or her
• Sad and hopeless feeling at times
• Feel like crying all the time
• Start getting poor results in school and their performance starts to decline
• Feelings of fear and suicidal thoughts
• Loss of weight
• Loss of interest in toys that were once enjoyed
• Feeling exhausted and frustrated by life
• Fighting with their friends and siblings without any reason
What parents can do if they see these warnings?
Reward good behaviors:
The main reason of behaviour problem among children is because of problems at home between parents or siblings rivalry. When you as a parent see some of the signs that are mentioned above, try to ease family tensions. Try to encourage positive behavior with a reward system.
Seek help:
Sometimes parents by themselves are unable to resolve the depression. In such circumstances it is advisable to consult with a child therapist.
Find the best behavioural therapist for your child:
Finding a good behavioural therapist is not an easy task, especially for parents who are completely unaware about the problems. It’s better to ask your family consultant or physician to find a good behavioural therapist for your child. Get information about 2 or 3 good therapists, visit them personally and choose one with whom your child can discuss the problems easily.
Summary:
Many children face difficulties in school and in their daily life due to some mental health disorders that sometimes force them to behave differently. Behavioural therapy for children is a great way to bring a child back to their normal routine. If parents do observe something strange in their children, consult a good behavioural child therapist without wasting any time.
Gemma Bailey is co-founder of NLP4Kids, an organisation specializing in therapy and self-development for children, teenagers and students.
NLP4Kids is an international organisation which provides one to one therapy and workshops in Hertfordshire, Bedfordshire, Buckinghamshire, Surrey, Cambridgeshire, London, Kent, Cheshire, Birmingham and Berkshire which are used in schools and in the community to tackle issues such as self esteem, confidence, bullying, exam stress, phobias and eating disorders to name but a few. All of our practitioners are qualified in NLP and hypnotherapy and have completed specialist qualifications in working with children, teenagers and students. Visit www.NLP4Kids.org for more information.
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