Happy Everywhere

A couple of weeks ago NLP4Kids went into schools, offering free confidence building workshops in exchange for pupils donating to children in need. Lewis my assistant and I went into Christchurch School where we worked with four classes, years 3 to 6. Each class had over 30 children in and the workshops were performed back to back. So in short we worked with over 120 pupils in the space of four hours!

At the end of each workshops, pupils are encouraged to complete a feedback form, telling us what they enjoyed, what they found difficult and how their NLP4Kids practitioner had performed.

One little girl had written something that really got me thinking.

In the world of NLP and self development, there is a great deal of suggestion that being positive is the best way to be, ALL OF THE TIME!

However this is something that has always irritated me. It is as if we are saying that all emotions other than happiness are damaging in some way or negative. Actually this is not the case. Even anger and sadness have their place. They are a way for us to express ourselves, to release our feelings and to move on. Sometimes they allow us to set boundaries so that we are not taken advantage of. Sometimes they enable us to be aware of stresses or strains we are under that need addressing.

Those who claim to be happy all of the time are repressing the natural spectrum of human emotion. it is unhealthy and unhelpful to always try to be positive.

I remember once saying to some one something like “I’m not sure what will happen but I hope it’s this.” They (being an advocate of positivity and a freshly qualified NLP guru) responded with

“Hope is the currency of those who believe they have already failed.”

I was flabbergasted. The temptation to lie and say “actually my favourite niece is called Hope” was almost too much!

I would never claim to be in a permanent state of positivity in the same way I wouldn’t claim to always be certain about what I am doing or what I want. I think like anger, sadness and uncertainty hopefulness can absolutely have its benefits.

So I’d been thinking about the best way to maintain a good state ins realistic way. I knew that for me at least, being happy all the time would be unwanted and unachievable.

Then as if by magic, a small girl who was about 8 years old, provided me with a remarkable solution in her feedback form following the NLP4Kids meets Pudsey events two weeks ago on Children in Need day.

One of the questions on the form said “what is the most important thing you have learned today?”

Her reply was “That I can be happy everywhere.”

Wonderful! No longer must we feel the guilt of not being happy all of the time. The answer is not to be happy all of the time it even everyday, it’s to be happy everywhere. Which is a much easier task.

Child Therapy- Sensitivity

Sensitivity

It’s easy to assume that some children are more sensitive that others. That lifestyles, parenting and experiences may have a factor on their ability to cope with strength and the resourcefulness than can access in challenging situations. This is even more noticeable when working in the field of child therapy.

However I have a theory. That sometimes we can react sensitively to unexpected situations because they are exactly that – unexpected.

I remember once, as a child sitting watching TV on Saturday night. I feel almost embarrassed now to admit it, but as I sat in my semi vegetative state, glued to the TV, something unexpected happened.I knew the format of the show – I’d seen it that many times already. But all of a sudden they changed things and introduced a new element in an “oh we didn’t know ourselves this was going to happen fashion.”

I don’t remember entirely what it was that they did – maybe an unexpected guest at an unexpected moment, or a sudden “we’re going to get taken off the air!” sort of scenario.

What I do remember (with hindsight) is that years before, my Nan had told me about Morcome and Wise and how Eric Morcome had dropped dead on stage. This had stuck in my mind (more than I’d realised!)

When I sat there, unawares watching Noels House Party, the sudden change in schedule must have – totally unknown to me at that time – taken me back to my Nan’s shared memory. Interestingly I hadn’t made the connection between these two events until I began writing this article!

The upshot of it was that I ended up having a sort of anxiety attack. I had to switch off the television and compose myself. I couldn’t articulate what my worry was about and I never mentioned it again.

Generally I was a resilient, composed young person both up until and following that event. But my sensitivity was sudden and unexpected. It related possibly to something from long ago which at the time I didn’t connect.

I was lucky, in that the anxiety passed and didn’t return but for some it may linger. It may keep returning until they make the connection to move on from it or let go of the trigger from the past that created it.

Something that can be useful to remember when working with young people is that they may or may not be able to trace the triggers for anxious emotions. They may or may not be able to articulate what has caused them or how they are feeling now. They may only be able to share their symptoms as a result of expressing them via their behaviour, which might not put them in the most favourable light.

Equally, they may not have had any upset of this kind and instead be “acting up” for other reasons entirely. So it cannot be assumed that every problem is related to problems from the past. The only real way to find out is some exploring with some clever questions to see what unfolds for them.

By Gemma Bailey

http://www.NLP4Kids.org

Child Therapy- CAMHS Doeasn't Work (for everyone)

CAMHS Doesn’t Work for Everyone!

The number of children and young people with moderate mental health issues is on the increase and the supply of child therapy services to help overcome these issues just isn’t meeting the demand.

CAMHS is the child and adolescent mental health service. They are part of the NHS and support children and adolescents (and their families) who have mental health difficulties, emotional or behavioural problems.

CAMHS categorises the severity of mental health issues in tiers. Tiers one and two would relate to challenges such as self esteem issues, phobias and some eating disorders. The more severe end of the spectrum is tier 4 where mental health issues would include psychosis or mental health issues that require hospitalisation or rehabilitation.

There are currently two key problems with CAMHS. The first is that the number of tier one and two type problems with children and young people is growing rapidly and CAMHS cannot keep up. There is now CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) offered on the NHS – however some boroughs are experiencing waiting lists of up to 6 months. Six months is a long time to live with a problem for any person, let alone a child who has a different sense of time scale (remember it always used to seem like ages until Christmas and now you are grown up you can’t believe how quickly it arrives?) During the time period of waiting for help, for many young people who do not have access to therapy, their problems worsen.

The second issue with CAMHS is the “one size fits all” approach to therapy. Don’t get me wrong, I know that within CAMHS there are some amazing practitioners doing brilliant work, but their approach will not be right for everyone. In the same way NLP or hypnosis are not suited for everyone, nor is the help or therapists offered within CAMHS, but currently it’s the only free help available.

So this is where we come in with our child therapy approaches. Up until now, NLP4Kids has only ever been able to provide a private service to families that approach us directly. However having recently attended the BOND consortium workshop (a “collection” of children’s charities and practitioners also specialising in children and young people’s mental health issues) I discovered that not only will CAMHS have to begin referring their cases to outside agencies (like NLP4Kids) but that they want to. Their work load is too great and they have some clients that they just can’t help because their skills are not suited to that child or there is a lack of rapport between the child and the CAMHS therapist they are working with.

Having heard this new at the event, I immediately began to consider how NLP4Kids can become more actively involved and recognised as facilitators to help children and young people with their mental health challenges.

As many of the practitioners at the event were “lone rangers” they were discussing and considering how they could had greater appeal to commissioners (who would be one of the possible decision makers in granter tender opportunities to practitioners outside of CAMHS). One of the commissioner present at the event mentioned that they look for organisations who have been accepted as member of the Children and Young People’s Mental Health Consortium.

I (whilst still at the event!) hopped onto goggle on my iPhone, Googled the Children and Young People’s Mental Health Consortium and took a look at their website. I contacted them straight away and told them about our organisation and what we do, simply enquiring if there was a way in which we may be able to support the work that they do.

The Children and Young People’s Mental Health Coalition (CYPMHC) are 14 charities with a growing base of supporters passionate about the wellbeing of the UK’s children and young people.
Coalitions are great ways for groups of people from different places and organisations to come together to change something. Supporting each other makes us each stronger and helps us achieve what we want – including making the world a better place.
The CYPMHC coalition is made up of various children’s charities and mental health charities. They are all passionate about improving mental health and wellbeing for children and young people across the UK.
A key part of the work of the CYPMHC is to influence government policy – the decisions that government make about how hospitals, schools, social services, and youth clubs should work. They want these services to work better with you – in a way that feels good for you and meets your needs.
Through the CYPMHC, charities come together and speak as one on behalf of children and young people’s mental health. The CYPMHC was launched in the House of Lords in March 2010 and some of the supporting members today include Comic Relief, Relate, the Department of Health, Rainbow Children’s Trust, The Epilepsy Foundation and now NLP4Kids.

I’m very proud and priviledged to announce that NLP4Kids has been accepted as a supporting member of The Children and Young People’s Mental Health Coalition.

Gemma Bailey
http://www.nlp4kids.org